Things I Never Expected to Say, Vol. III

You can't have corn chips. You don't have teeth yet!

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You're four months old. Do you really still need to poop every time you eat?

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Do you want your hand or do you want food? That is the question.

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Apparently the answer is your turtle.

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How does your chewing hurt so much? You don't have teeth!

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And now you're eating your spider.

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This looked OK when I bought it, but now I kinda want to dress you in these dresses ALL THE TIME. You're SO CUTE!

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Why do you only try to touch your bum when it's covered in poo?

Things I Never Expected to Say, Vol. II

You can't eat if you have both of your hands in your mouth.

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Why are you eating your diaper?

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Don't eat Mommy's phone!

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Well don't shove your fingers down your throat!

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Don't bite Mommy's finger while I'm brushing your teeth.

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Kathryn honey, stop sucking on your hand so that I can feed you.

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Why are you blowing raspberries while you're nursing?

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You can't have corn chips yet, you're only four months old.

Things I Never Expected to Say, Vol. I

Why are you eating your (clean) diaper? Your giraffe is right there!

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You're only playing, so let go of my bra! 

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Quiet parts of Mass aren't for talking. 

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Does my knuckle taste good? 

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Dear, we are not turning our baby into sausage.

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We aren't making baby stock either. 

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Why are you chewing on your pants? 

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Are you a faucet?

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You are so cute I think I'm going to explode.